Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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