She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
