I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
