ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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