It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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