I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
