if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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