I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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