i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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