i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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