I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
