I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
