She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
