The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
