I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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