dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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