So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
