dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
