He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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