its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
