ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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