guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
