believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
