Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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