A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
