Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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