I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
