I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was confusing and full of hummus
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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