she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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