Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
