Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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