we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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