I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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