i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
