There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
