dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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