I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
