omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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