Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
