If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
