Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
