OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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