its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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