____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
