if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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