hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
