I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
