have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
