I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
