she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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