the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
