ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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