i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize