so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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