there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
