If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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