worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
