my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
