You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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