Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
