girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
