Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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