I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
