now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
