I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
