I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
