So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
