if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
