Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
