"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
