im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
