I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize