is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
