Fuck appropriateness.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
