I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
