now i know why i became what i already was.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
