There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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