Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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