PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
