I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
