$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I supernannyed him into submission
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
