you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
