I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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