Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
