remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
