i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
