Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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