I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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