Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
