I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
