You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he thought i was a dude.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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